9 ORDERED STEPS to BREAKING GENERATIONAL CYCLES

If you want to stop toxic behaviors inherited from your family, use these 9 steps and begin breaking generational cycles. 

A family is a form of relationship that God wants with us and for us. The only type of relationship God wants us to have with each other is one of love.

1 Peter 4:8 tells us, "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly since love covers a multitude of sins."

If hurt people do not seek or receive help, they will take that pain from one relationship to another. I call this curse a cycle. It doesn't end. It just rinses and repeats. You end up making your new partner pay for the pain someone else caused and that is not normal. It may be common, but that does not make it right. Cycles also occur in non-romantic relationships, and if the behavior doesn't end, it will surely carry forward for many years.

Generational cycles may come in the form of poverty, jealousy, anger, depression, anxiety, mental illness, rape, molestation, and domestic violence. I have come to understand that most African-American families living in the South don’t talk about these things because it makes them uncomfortable. Often in Black communities, if the family has a religious background, the family may turn to the church for help.

Getting Help 

All churches are not the same, but those same topics that are sensitive to the average Black family may very well be sensitive to the Black church too. I have also learned from my mom there is always more than one way to do something. If the church in your community is unresponsive to your situation counseling is another option to process your trauma.

Your counselor is on the outside of your issues, which allows them to better assess the damage control needed to deal with your emotional trauma. It is really hard to talk plainly about your feelings when you are constantly reliving the disturbing experience. Psychiatrists can teach you to consciously counteract these disruptive subconscious thoughts that ply on repeat in your mind.

Mental wellness is real and should be checked and monitored just as your physical health is examined. There are so many stereotypes surrounding therapy, which generally state if you need counseling, then you are deemed insane. Nothing could be further from the truth. With all the civil unrest, mass shootings, and sex trafficking going on in the world, it’s insane to think no one needs mental and emotional therapy. Neglecting our mental health is another unspoken chain that strangles the potential out of life.

This post is all about breaking generational cycles.

ORDERED STEPS FOR ENDING UNHEALTHY CYCLES:

1. Acknowledge a person's pain because 

Denial ignores trauma, prolongs the healing process, and enables the offender’s behavior.

2. Validate the root emotions of the pain endured to affirm the survivor.

Support is essential to bring awareness to the issue.

3. Address the motive behind undesirable actions since motive drives actions.

Hurt people hurt people and this is how bullies and narcissists are formed.

4. Condemn the bad behavior with morals and values.

Your morals and values govern your spirit. Your spirit man is stronger than your flesh. 

5. Set boundaries for acceptable conduct and consequences for poor choices.

Boundaries guard your heart and consequences fortify those boundaries.

6. Get around like-minded people who pour into your life.

You need people who mirror how God sees you and remind you of your God-given purpose. 

7. Use prayer to ask God to guide you on issues of the heart.

Grace and mercy are needed to heal also.

8. Stop comparing life experiences and start supporting each other's growth.

We can learn together if we respect each other's differences.

9. Encourage counseling.

This post is all about breaking generational cycles.

Mark 9:29 KJV, "And He said unto them, this kind can come forth by nothing but by prayer and fasting."

Ephesians 6:12 KJV, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."